Visions of you, then you're gone
by Damhnait
Summary: How could love be so thoughtless, so cruel? just a little one off that came to me in the middle of a work day.. ya know, when i was supposed to be working.


Author's Note: I got this idea while obsessively listening to the song. The scene just kinda popped into my head and refused to leave, so I wrote it down at work and typed it up a few hours later (Yeah, I'm lazy-ish). Read and Review, please:)

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Characters all belong to Ms Rowling and her publishers, and the song is "Autumn's Monologue" by From Autumn to Ashes. I only borrow these things occasionally for my own purposes.

_Why can't I be what you need…_

He downed another glass of firewhiskey. His vision was blurred as he started into the fire, scenes playing out in his mind, visions of her laughing, then crying, then angry. As he swallowed the contents, he let out a long sigh.

_A new, improved version of me…_

He had tried, but he hadn't known how to make it work. Lord, how he had tried. But it hadn't been good enough for her. She wanted what he couldn't give her, no matter how much he wanted to.

_But I'm nothing so good, no I'm nothing_

_Just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs_

He was empty inside, all for the burn of the whiskey. His mind was numb, his vision worsening, and his body felt like lead. He didn't want to move, to think, any longer. He didn't want to feel anymore.

_Of violence, of love and of sorrow…_

She had left him, standing alone on the front lawn of the castle. He had watched her walk away, tears falling down her face from the angry words they had both spoken.

_I beg for just one more tomorrow…_

The words were hurtful for both sides, spoken out of anger and jealousy. At the end, all he wanted to do was hold her close, whispering words of support and comfort into his lover's ear. But her tears had stopped him cold.

_Where you hold me down, fold me in_

_Deep, deep, deep in the heart of your sins._

Her arms had been a refuge for him, where he could shed his mask of indifferences and open himself. She knew his heart, kept his secrets, soothed his fears. In turn, he offered what little support he could. It was hard, him never learning to encourage a partner. His upbringing was riddled with scenarios of domination over your partner, fending only for yourself.

_Here I'm pinned between darkness and light…_

His choice of lifestyle had worried her. She supported the Darkness, her pureblood father holding her in fear. Through she would never say it aloud again, she did not agree with the Dark. She feared for him as he played his game, playing with both side's minds.

_Bleached and blinded by these nights…_

He was sick of his game, sick of being a puppet for men in power. She had tried to convince him to choose one side or the other, and stay away from the side he departed, but his information was too valuable for the Light. After a summons, she would always be there to nurse him back. He recalled the furrow of her brow and the whiteness of her face as he would stumble in, still twitching from the Unforgivable pain curse.

_Where I'm tossing and tortured til dawn_

_I view visions of you then you're gone_

She would always stay with him after a summons, treating his wounds while he screamed profanities at her, the Dark, the Light, the world. He would scream and, yes, he would cry, as she tried to heal him. Most of the time, once reaching the castle, he was barely lucid, talking in riddles and visualizing things that weren't there. He knew, deep down, that these nights stressed the relationship to the breaking point, then the dawn would come and he would smile, which would always be meted with a sigh of relief.

_The shock bleeds the red from my face_

_When I hear someone has taken my place_

She had left a week ago this night. He snorted as he glanced at the calendar, and then took another swig from the bottle, having abandoned the glass long ago. He had seen her tonight, hanging off the arm of a man of her father's choice. She hadn't noticed him; she had been wrapped up in her companion. He had stared for a long while, watching the woman he had entrusted his soul to offer her love to another.

_How could love be so thoughtless, so cruel?_

Downing the remnants of the alcohol, he threw the bottle into the fire, watching it explode and give a temporary flare to the blaze. His heart had been ripped out, thrown to the ground and stomped on this night. His world was shattered as she laughed with her party, seeing her happy without him, realizing that there was no hope for him and her anymore.

_When all, all that I did was for you_

He rose from the chair, stumbling drunk to his private stores. Pulling out a small, purple vial, he glared at it. Everything he told her, tried to do for her, and it still hadn't been enough. She still expected him to lay down everything he fought for, everything he believed in his core, for her. 'And,' he thought. 'I would have. She'll never know how much I would have done to see her smile, hear her laugh, touch her skin.'

_I break in two over you_

_I break in two, and each piece of me dies_

_And only you can give me the breath of life_

_But you don't see me, you don't_

He drank the contents of the vial, heading to his chambers. Lying fully clothed in the middle of the large, four post bed, Severus Snape breathed his last breaths, her name being the last syllables escaping his lips before the potion shut his body down.


End file.
